My modest life...

It's very difficult for me to feel that my modesty is actually doing any good. Since I live in a college town and that's who my friends are-I feel like when I am being modest, I am looked at as the "outcast". I know I should not be worried about such things, because I am doing the right thing in God's eyes. But I still have that nagging human/sinner voice that's telling me I need to be like everyone else.

Not drinking is going over very well though. People ask me about it, and I simply explain that I don't need it and all the reasons why I don't need it. It's actually quite easy to be around others that are drinking. Such as Wednesday night when I went out for trivia night at El Patio-I think everyone else was drinking-except me. It felt really good to finally have gotten the strength to resist to that extent. I didn't go out with people to the bars for a long time because I didn't know if I had the strength to resist when everyone else around me is drinking and I am afraid that they'll pressure me. But I do feel much more comfortable. I think it was good to try in a lower pressure setting like El Patio before actually attempting a Friday or Saturday night at a bar.

And I'm trying not to swear also. Just make my life and behavior more modest.

One thing that I think is funny when I wear one of my denim skirts out and about, people I know always think it's "funny" or interesting that I'm wearing a skirt. It's funny and interesting to me that people think that of a GIRL wearing a SKIRT...I feel as though that is part of the reason I'm doing this; to change the fact that it's "weird" for a girl to wear a skirt-since when did that go out the window?

these things, they make me happy

singing and dancing along with the radio while washing dishes
trying to be a photographer
growing my hair out
the smell of fresh ground coffee
getting postcards
crunchy autumn leaves
flowers growing through cracks in concrete
flannel sheets in winter
floating down the river during summer
camping
dreaming of my future husband and children
tucking my hair behind my ear
tousling the ends of my hair and feeling the soft waves
enjoying a spontaneous skip and twirl every once and a while
wearing ribbons in my hair
wearing headbands in my hair
having the door opened for me because I'm a lady
being able to write with lots of swirls if I want
my long hair being tossed around on a windy day
pleasantly surprising people when they see me in a long denim skirt
twirling in skirts
knowing my toenails are painted in fun colors under old sneakers


these are just a few for now...

Chicken Stew and rescued dogs

Tonight was very productive; I finished my homework, I made chicken stew from a recipe I found online (and it looks and smells yummy!) And I did a load of laundry so I have clean clothes for work. Now I'm watching Dante's Peak. such a good and cheesy movie. I'm not sure if I should be worried that the the most "moving" part was when they rescued the dog...haha-oh well. I'm a sucker for animal rescue stories-of any kind. That's probably why I'm addicted to the Animal Cops show on Animal Planet.

I think I want to go to the Animal Shelter tomorrow...since I only have an hour of class from 1-2, then I can go there right afterward.

Changes

Whew. Some changes need to be made in my life. I need to start being honest with myself, while at the same time opening up to others. I need to come to terms with my issues. My issues like my eating junk food and not wanting to exercise-I need to figure out WHY for these things. And things are better now that I've been on the antidepressants for awhile, but I need to talk to someone on a regular basis-Adrienne was ok to talk to, but sometimes I felt awkward when she was looking at me and waiting for me to answer.
I need to be more assertive about what I want and if I'm having problems with something or someone.
I also need to put my trust in God that he is doing what is best for me, even if it is not necessarily what I think is best for me-because God knows best. Like in terms of my future husband.
Wow, Dr. Wilson just said something that was harsh, but true. He said that women set ridiculous standards for themselves/their lives. That kinda hit home-the fact that I set such high standards for myself-wanting myself to be totally perfect. But knowing that it was impossible, so I don't even try. But what I need to realize is that I AM good enough. I just need to be happy with myself. I know it's difficult, but I need to try.

"The Wagon"

Blah, so unfortunately I've fallen WAY off the wagon in terms of my goal of losing some weight. But that's okay because I'm either going to catch up and hop back on or hop on another one!

I don't have money to follow a program such as Weight Watchers, but I'm sure I can find a good free one-or at least find some good free tips online.

Especially some tips about saving money on healthy foods-that would be easy to take with to work and class and such.

Part of me likes preparing and cooking, but another part just likes things to be easy-especially if I just come home from work and don't really want to spend more time on my feet cooking. I need to lose some weight and then I don't think my feet will hurt as much so I won't mind spending more time on them.

I have a scratchy throat and I work at 9am tomorrow so I'm going to bed early. Well, that's it for now, I hadn't updated in awhile, so I thought I would post something while I'm in bed and about to go to sleep.