Struggling

Tonight I'm struggling. I'm not even really sure why...But I'm doing some cleaning and getting rid of a lot of things I was hanging on to, I hope it will help me. I'm throwing away a lot of things, I did at home in my closet, and I'm doing so here-with my cupboards and under my bed. I'm donating lots of clothes to Goodwill-as well as some books. I just feel like if I can let go of some "stuff" like clothes and books, I can maybe start to let go of some of my negative self-issues.

Even putting this online for anyone to see is difficult for me. But I need to get over my "fear" of not being good enough. I feel like I'm living in darkness cast by everyone else's shadow; with school, with my looks, with my weight, with my "social life", with my future...

I'm scared. I am scared to let myself want anything too badly, because I don't think I could survive such a letdown.