Marriage Fears

When I think about my future-certain parts of it scare me so much.  Not the job part, and not technically the marriage part.

What I am so afraid of is being married and then 1) Getting a divorce 2) Finding out about an affair 3) Ending up in an abusive relationship.

These things scare me so much that it literally hurts my heart to think about what I would do if they ever happened to me.

I get a little panicky when I think about these things happening to me.

And it's not like I'm expecting perfection, not at all.

I just...want a marriage for life - I want someone to grow old with. I want someone who I can help and will help me through the ups and downs of life.  And will stay faithfully by my side through it all.

Because to me, cheating and abuse are totally unthinkable...very much deal-breakers.  I'm not sure what I should do/can do about this "paralyzing" fear. The only thing I can think of is prayer.

I also just got this neat book/journal for Christmas.  It's called God's Promises for a Woman's Heart.  So far I've only taken a few peeks, but I do look forward to really diving in heart first.

My Bucket List

Bucket List

1) Send a message in a bottle

2) Get a tattoo

3) Swim with dolphins

4) Take a vacation alone

5) See an Egyptian pyramid up close

6) Go on a road trip

7) Help build a house for someone less fortunate

8) See a show on Broadway

9) Go whitewater rafting

10) Ride in a hot air balloon

11) Go hang gliding

12) Graduate from college

13) Go on a cruise

14) Safe a life

15) Swim with sharks

16) Go on an African safari

17) Spend the night in a haunted house

18) Take a vow of silence for a day

19) Scuba dive

20) Take a long trip by bus or train

21) Take a walk in the rain

22) Have a photo published

23) Get married

24) Become a parent

25) Visit all 50 states

26) Participate in La Tomatina

27) Fire a pistol

28) Cherry Blossom Festival-Washington D.C.

29) Give something away-if someone compliments something of mine, give it away

30) Quit drinking alcohol

31) Quit drinking soda

32) Lose 10 pounds

33) Lose 20 pounds

34) Lose 30 pounds

35) Lose 40 pounds

36) Lose 50 pounds

37) Lose 60 pounds

38) Lose 70 pounds

39) Lose 80 pounds

40) Create a hope chest

41) Get CPR certified

42) Run a 5K

44) Plant a tree and watch it grow

45) Learn to snowboard.

46) Go kayaking.

47) Go cliff jumping.

48) Do a Polar Plunge for charity.

49) Go on a canopy tour (zip-lining).

50) Try vegetarianism.

51) See the Statue of Liberty.

52) Visit the Vegas Strip.

53) Make a quilt.

54) Visit Harry Potter World.

55) Make a list of 100 books I want to read.

56) Read every novel that has won a Pulitzer Prize in the Fiction category.

57) Watch every movie that has won an Academy Award for Best Picture.

58) Host a foreign exchange student.

59) Become a foster parent.

60) Read the Bible in full.

61) Learn to meditate.

62) Register to be an organ donor.

63) Register to be a bone marrow donor.

64) ….

Pausing in such a chaotic life

I know it's been quite a while since I've posted anything-over a month actually.  But I was inspired just now by reading a post by one of my fellow bloggers in Christ's name.  At 110% Surrendered? Katy posted something that made me pause. 

I have been getting so caught up in my own issues, that I forgot that all I need to do is surrender them to the Lord.  He is the only one that knows my true heart and what is best for me.

I need to pause more often and simply listen for the Lord, and meditate on what He is trying to tell me and where He is trying to guide me.

Because I feel like I've gotten separated from the path that I was walking with Him.

Rascal Flatts - Easy

(Part of it anyway....)

It's easy goin' out on a Friday night
Easy, everytime I see him out
I can smile, live it up
The way a single girl does
But, what he, what he don't know
is how hard it is to make it look so
Easy

Prayers....

This seems somewhat silly, and yet it's what's on my mind.  Last weekend, a friend had one of her guy friends come visit her for a couple days.  And now I'm stuck....he's good looking :) and seems like a very nice guy from the little that I do know about him.  I feel as though I have a small crush...I've prayed about this situation and I don't know where God is trying to guide me.  He lives a 5 hour drive away, which really doesn't bother me, in fact, it's almost a little appealing, because then if anything was to develop, it would start slow and emotionally, rather than physically (a very good thing) Also, there wouldn't be a big distraction from school.

Only He knows what will happen.  I know I need to get to know him better, that's for sure.  I feel my heart being pulled, but I can't tell if that's just me, or if it truly is the Lord pulling me in that direction.

A Prayer for Purity

Living a life of purity can be tough in today’s society, but know that you do not have to struggle alone. God stands ready and willing to help you. He loves to hear the prayers of His people, so pray and ask God for His assistance. You may utter your own prayer to God or simply use the prayer for purity listed below.

Lord, I love You and I want to please You. Thank You for loving me and for providing this opportunity to come into Your presence. I know that You honor Your Word and Your Word says, that if I confess my sins, You are faithful and just to forgive me of my sins. So right now, I thank You for filling me with Your Spirit and I humbly ask that you forgive me for my thoughts and actions that have grieved Your Spirit. I desire to live a life of purity and I want my very being to be aligned with Your Word.

I know that I am unable to live a life of purity without Your help, so I ask that You lead, guide and direct me in Your ways. Thank you for giving me the freedom of choice, but please help me to make wise choices in every area of my life. Despite what the world says is acceptable, help me to see sin as You see sin. Make me uncomfortable in my sin and in the things that displease You.

Lord, Your Word says, if I love You, I will obey You, so from this day forward I choose to honor and obey You. I want to live for You and I surrender my life and my will to You. Mold me into the woman of God You are calling me to be. No longer will I be bound by my past mistakes and failures. I am walking forward in the newness of life.

Lord, I don’t want to be selfish in my prayer for purity because I know I’m not the only one struggling to live a life of purity, so I pray not only for my purity but for the purity of others. Please help me not to cause anyone else to stumble. Also, help me to be an example of Your love and grace. Remind me of Your forgiveness that I may not judge others, but offer an encouraging word when they stumble.

I pray that the world will be drawn to You and seek to live a life of purity, Holy unto You and let it start with me. I want to stand boldly for you Lord, so please give me strength to stand when I’m weak. Speak to my heart and help me to recognize temptation and flee it. Make me more like You that I may be used for Your Glory.

I, Your daughter, offer this prayer for purity and restoration unto you as humbly as I know how.

In Jesus’ Name I pray,
Amen

Holiday weekend....

So, I worked this morning.  I hadn't worked since Wednesday, I had a lovely little "vacation"-except for a few little things.  On Friday, the heat index for our area was 108-118-it was very humid.  So I went floating on the river with one of my friends, got a little sunburned, and a couple blisters on my feet from walking in wet ballet flats; but those are better now.  But when I woke up this morning for work, I noticed that my right eye felt a little weird-itchy and I had some gunk in it (sorry for the gross-ness).  Anyway, it turns out I have pink eye, I got some eye drops, but it's not a great way to spend the holiday, but at least I have tomorrow and Tuesday off, so I can just get my eye better and not have to take any time off from work-besides the hour and a half that I missed today-since I got sent home-cause I was contagious.

Anyway, on to a better topic.  I was doing some reading after work and a nap, and I came across this website that had a very intriguing article entitled Bride vs. Wife.  It discussed how many single young ladies in today's society are preparing for the short term role of being a bride, rather than the long term role of being a wife.

I will definitely be exploring this website more in the coming days....