Marriage Fears

When I think about my future-certain parts of it scare me so much.  Not the job part, and not technically the marriage part.

What I am so afraid of is being married and then 1) Getting a divorce 2) Finding out about an affair 3) Ending up in an abusive relationship.

These things scare me so much that it literally hurts my heart to think about what I would do if they ever happened to me.

I get a little panicky when I think about these things happening to me.

And it's not like I'm expecting perfection, not at all.

I just...want a marriage for life - I want someone to grow old with. I want someone who I can help and will help me through the ups and downs of life.  And will stay faithfully by my side through it all.

Because to me, cheating and abuse are totally unthinkable...very much deal-breakers.  I'm not sure what I should do/can do about this "paralyzing" fear. The only thing I can think of is prayer.

I also just got this neat book/journal for Christmas.  It's called God's Promises for a Woman's Heart.  So far I've only taken a few peeks, but I do look forward to really diving in heart first.

My Bucket List

Bucket List

1) Send a message in a bottle

2) Get a tattoo

3) Swim with dolphins

4) Take a vacation alone

5) See an Egyptian pyramid up close

6) Go on a road trip

7) Help build a house for someone less fortunate

8) See a show on Broadway

9) Go whitewater rafting

10) Ride in a hot air balloon

11) Go hang gliding

12) Graduate from college

13) Go on a cruise

14) Safe a life

15) Swim with sharks

16) Go on an African safari

17) Spend the night in a haunted house

18) Take a vow of silence for a day

19) Scuba dive

20) Take a long trip by bus or train

21) Take a walk in the rain

22) Have a photo published

23) Get married

24) Become a parent

25) Visit all 50 states

26) Participate in La Tomatina

27) Fire a pistol

28) Cherry Blossom Festival-Washington D.C.

29) Give something away-if someone compliments something of mine, give it away

30) Quit drinking alcohol

31) Quit drinking soda

32) Lose 10 pounds

33) Lose 20 pounds

34) Lose 30 pounds

35) Lose 40 pounds

36) Lose 50 pounds

37) Lose 60 pounds

38) Lose 70 pounds

39) Lose 80 pounds

40) Create a hope chest

41) Get CPR certified

42) Run a 5K

44) Plant a tree and watch it grow

45) Learn to snowboard.

46) Go kayaking.

47) Go cliff jumping.

48) Do a Polar Plunge for charity.

49) Go on a canopy tour (zip-lining).

50) Try vegetarianism.

51) See the Statue of Liberty.

52) Visit the Vegas Strip.

53) Make a quilt.

54) Visit Harry Potter World.

55) Make a list of 100 books I want to read.

56) Read every novel that has won a Pulitzer Prize in the Fiction category.

57) Watch every movie that has won an Academy Award for Best Picture.

58) Host a foreign exchange student.

59) Become a foster parent.

60) Read the Bible in full.

61) Learn to meditate.

62) Register to be an organ donor.

63) Register to be a bone marrow donor.

64) ….

Rascal Flatts - Easy

(Part of it anyway....)

It's easy goin' out on a Friday night
Easy, everytime I see him out
I can smile, live it up
The way a single girl does
But, what he, what he don't know
is how hard it is to make it look so
Easy

A Prayer for Purity

Living a life of purity can be tough in today’s society, but know that you do not have to struggle alone. God stands ready and willing to help you. He loves to hear the prayers of His people, so pray and ask God for His assistance. You may utter your own prayer to God or simply use the prayer for purity listed below.

Lord, I love You and I want to please You. Thank You for loving me and for providing this opportunity to come into Your presence. I know that You honor Your Word and Your Word says, that if I confess my sins, You are faithful and just to forgive me of my sins. So right now, I thank You for filling me with Your Spirit and I humbly ask that you forgive me for my thoughts and actions that have grieved Your Spirit. I desire to live a life of purity and I want my very being to be aligned with Your Word.

I know that I am unable to live a life of purity without Your help, so I ask that You lead, guide and direct me in Your ways. Thank you for giving me the freedom of choice, but please help me to make wise choices in every area of my life. Despite what the world says is acceptable, help me to see sin as You see sin. Make me uncomfortable in my sin and in the things that displease You.

Lord, Your Word says, if I love You, I will obey You, so from this day forward I choose to honor and obey You. I want to live for You and I surrender my life and my will to You. Mold me into the woman of God You are calling me to be. No longer will I be bound by my past mistakes and failures. I am walking forward in the newness of life.

Lord, I don’t want to be selfish in my prayer for purity because I know I’m not the only one struggling to live a life of purity, so I pray not only for my purity but for the purity of others. Please help me not to cause anyone else to stumble. Also, help me to be an example of Your love and grace. Remind me of Your forgiveness that I may not judge others, but offer an encouraging word when they stumble.

I pray that the world will be drawn to You and seek to live a life of purity, Holy unto You and let it start with me. I want to stand boldly for you Lord, so please give me strength to stand when I’m weak. Speak to my heart and help me to recognize temptation and flee it. Make me more like You that I may be used for Your Glory.

I, Your daughter, offer this prayer for purity and restoration unto you as humbly as I know how.

In Jesus’ Name I pray,
Amen

The Lazy Meme

The Lazy Meme

The instructions with this are to bold the ones you've done, leave the others in normal type.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain

9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch (sewing/quilting)
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon (want to... need to build up to be in better shape for this; maybe in the next 5 years?)
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29 Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33 Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41 Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45 Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted (no, but I've had a caricature done)
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60 Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64 Donated blood, platelets, or plasma
65. Gone sky diving (would love to do this too... but I'm waiting...)
66 Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67 Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London 

77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79 Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous  (Jake Gyllenhaal-when he was touring colleges to promote student voting)92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a lawsuit
98. Owned a cell phone99. Been stung by a bee

Prayer without ceasing

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.  I Thessalonians 5:16-18

Today let's focus on "pray without ceasing".  How can that be?  We breathe without ceasing, and our hearts beat without ceasing.  Our other organs work behind the scenes and we don't consciously tell them to work for us.  Can we learn to pray as naturally as we breathe?

In the morning as we wake up we can talk to our God, "OK Father...I'm awake; I'm feeling a little tired and grumpy this morning but I give this day to You and choose to praise You instead!  I praise You for Your beautiful creation, thanks for a comfortable bed and for the breakfast You have provided.  Guide my steps today and show me Your ways."  Then it is time to listen.  This on-going conversation can become a natural part of our day.

So what if I'm feeling weak in spirit and mind and can't even voice my feelings?

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.   Romans 8:26-27

Continue to pray, focusing on people in your immediate surroundings, your family and your brothers and sisters at Valleybrook needing prayer.

Praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints. Ephesians 6:18

As we spend time praying, God has promised to show us exciting things!

Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.  Jeremiah 33:3

It will be exciting to change, grow and practice "prayer without ceasing" as it starts to become as natural as breathing.

More "Spring cleaning"

So with February winding down and Spring around the corner; I thought this would be a good time to do some "internal" spring cleaning. 

I still have some items left on my "normal" cleaning list-like vacuuming, organizing, etc.  But it is also time to take a look in the mirror and rid myself of bad habits any masks I might hide behind from time to time. 

I am watching The Biggest Loser right now online (because I have class 6-9 each Tuesday night and miss the whole thing) and I'm feeling inspired by them, I'm feeling inspired by my newest Self magazine that I just got in the mail yesterday. 

I need to work on clearing out my own mind-essentially forgiving myself of past sins.  Because I know the Father has forgiven me.  But the hardest part is forgiving myself and trying to move past the mistakes of my past.  God gave his Son for our sins, so I need to let them go myself so I can truly live for God. 

I need to realize that my friends love me for who I am-the quirky, nerdy, girlie that I am.  So I need to allow myself to open up to them-God brought them into my life for a reason.  They are just what I needed at this time in my life-especially our time on Sunday nights. 

I need to set aside more time for just Scripture and devotion.  I have not been doing that nearly as much as I know I should or want to.

But that is it for now.  I better go and get ready for work soon. 

God Bless.

End of semester stress

Now that it is December, the increasing pressure from classes is starting to get to me.  I need to stay focused on the Lord.  He knows what's best for me and He will provide for me and get me through this stressful time. 

I have a very important communication and journalism project due next Tuesday-that is the most pressing and important thing right now.  I also have a blog post due for that class and several quizzes coming up in my History class the next few days.

I will be prayer overload along with school overload for the next few weeks.  If you could pray for me also, I would be so grateful.  I need to do well and I have been pretty good all semester-but I start feeling myself slipping and I'm afraid that it will spiral out of control. 

Lord please be with me in the remaining weeks of the semester and help me through so I can continue on next semester in good standing.  I pray in your name, my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  Amen.

Marriage=settling down?

I began thinking about this yesterday when I was washing dishes and listening to the radio (country, of course).  One of the songs that came on mentioned "get married and settle down".  I have been thinking about this since then.

Does getting married mean you must settle down?  I believe the answer is both yes and no.  Yes because you have the responsibility to your spouse.  For women it means serving their husbands and for men it means supporting their family.  And once children arrive, you will spend time teaching them.  All while remaining obedient to God.

But using the Duggars (from the TLC television show) as a reference and example; they go on many "adventures" with the children.  They are always educational, but they go on trips and get to meet many new people and get to share their faith in many ways.

I am eager to get to do these things with my future husband and children.  If that is God's will for me anyway.