um....sure

Another thing I was going to post earlier...

Apparently, according to my BMI, I am "obese" I am 5' 2", and I am 190 lbs.

Now I know I'm overweight, but seriously...I REALLY don't think I'm obese...I'm not THAT much overweight.

Struggles...

*sigh*

So I've been in a weird mood tonight. Especially at work. When I first got there I was in a decent mood. But towards the end of the night I started feeling...glum.

I'm not sure why, I'm feeling better now, but not quite back to the good mood I was in before. It might have something to do with the fact that I work every day until Monday.

4:30-10 tonight
4:30-10 Friday night
9-4:30 Saturday
7:30-4 Sunday and
4:30-10 Monday night

I have this ache in my heart too. I feel like something is missing, but I am unsure as to what that is. I feel like...I want to share my life with someone, and I don't think I'm ready right now for that, but I still get so scared that if I wait then I'll end up alone.

I want someone. I feel like part of me is ready, but part of me isn't. I want my future husband, and I don't like being alone, but I need to be ready in God's eyes. It is so hard to wait though.

Whew....I think I need to go to bed, I usually feel better in the morning after a good night's sleep.

Just a question...

This isn't so much a rant as a question. I just saw a commercial for the Special K protein shake and how it was so much better than the "Slim Fast" shake. (In my opinion the "Slim Fast" shake tastes better, and it has 20 fewer calories and it's an extra ounce of liquid-and it also has the same 10 g protein and 5 g fiber as the Special K)

I prefer the Slim Fast type shake (I buy Market Pantry from Target since I work there)

But my "question" is why they use "model/actresses" that don't actually need to lose weight? They look great to me-not too big, not to scrawny...they should use someone who is a little bigger or "thicker" Find a "plus size" model at the very least.

This is just my humble opinion on the matter.

Letters to God

This post is in honor of the film Letters to God that was just released in theaters. I went with a group from my church.

I am so glad I went. It's hard to describe the movie-I don't want to say it's good, because that's the wrong word; but it was so moving. I doubt there was a dry eye in the entire theater. I should have brought an entire box of tissues. My cheeks were red and a little raw at the end because I cried so much-it was well worth going. I would recommend everyone go and see it with good friends and loved ones.

I'm getting tears just writing about it.

Watching Dr. Phil.....not sure if it's a good idea

I'm watching the Dr. Phil "The Ultimate Fat Debate"

This is really interesting; because one woman stood up and couldn't remember one of the "skinny" women's names, so she called her "skinny minny".

I'm not sure why, but this stirred up some negative feelings in me. Yesterday I had watched the first part and today was the second part. But the "skinny" woman the audience member was talking about had been very snooty yesterday-and that stirred up some feelings that I've seen with other skinny/fat debates; one on the Tyra show comes to mind. And I've gotten the same vibe from people I've encountered at work and out and about. That these skinny people look down on pretty much anyone who is a little bigger. They think they are so much better than bigger people.

I'm finally (albeit slowly, but still) starting to get more comfortable being bigger. I know I won't be a size 2, and that's ok-but I would like to just look a little better and more so be healthier-I would like to be more "fit" in the sense that I don't get winded easily like I do now. That's my first priority-basically I want to start doing some power walking on days that I don't work (since I am on my feet and walking the whole time.

My life can often be hectic. At times it feels like I overload myself with more things than I could possibly ever accomplish. As I’m going to sleep, my mind wanders with all the things I need to get done, and when I’m awake during the day I catch my mind thinking about all the things that need to get done. Take a shower, make coffee, eat breakfast, brush my teeth, write, go see clients, etc. … When I’m not mindful, at the end of the day I can truly ask myself, “Where did the day go?” Enough of these, and I can ask myself the same questions in weeks, months, or even years! Can you relate to this?

So when I feel like these questions are coming up, I do some brief exercises that help bring me to the present moment and remind myself that I’m living.

1. For 5 minutes: Whatever you are doing, just do it slightly slower. At work, we are all given tasks to do. One time per day, for 5 minutes, do that task a little bit slower. Do not do the task in slow motion, or take breaks from the task, simply do it a little bit slower.

2. Take 5 minutes at lunch to notice what you’re eating. You can actually do this at an meal, or any time you eat. You are going to notice what your food looks like, how it smells, feels, and tastes. As you pick up your food, notice the texture of it, is it bumpy, smooth, wet? Notice what you smell. As you take it in your mouth notice how it feels in your mouth, notice the tastes that are coming out of it, how your teeth break it down. As you swallow it, notice it going down your throat. Do the same with the drink.

3. Take 3 minutes to just sit and notice your breath. Sit in a place of your choice, could be behind your desk, or anywhere. Close your eyes. For 3 minutes, simply pay attention to your breath. For these 3 minutes, your breath gets your undivided attention. If you notice yourself thinking about something, even the thought “Why am I doing this stupid exercise?”, just notice that you’re thinking that and then gently bring your attention back to your breath.

4. Wash the dishes. If you’re not used to doing dishes, there will be many benefits to this one. As you begin to wash the dishes, notice the texture of the plate and the warmth of the water on your hands. Inhale and notice if there is any scent. Listen to hear the rush of the water or any other sounds that are happening around you. Not only will you be able to practice being in the moment, but many of your family and friends will be thrilled with you.

5. Take a bath or shower. Preferably a bath if you have one, but even with a shower, you can take your moment in the shower or bath to feel the warmth of the water or feel how your body is immersed in the water. How does your skin feel? Do you notice any smells? Is your hair wet? Just be in the moment and notice all your senses … breathe.

6. Make love slightly slower for a few moments. As you are making love to your significant other, take a moment to purposely move slightly slower. As you do this begin to mentally feel over all parts of your body. How your skin feels when touching his/hers, how are you breathing? Are you sweating? Is there a scent in the air? Take a moment and really be there making love.

7. Smell a flower for an extra breath. This one I love. Often times I will be passing by a flower and if I remember to smell it, I take an extra inhalation to really get the full experience of the scent. You will be surprised how much that extra inhalation makes a difference in the experience.

8. Be silly. I’m serious;). Being silly allows your creative juices to flow and your creative juices is what life is all about. Letting yourself be silly can also be very relaxing and create joyful situations that are full of meaning.

9. Write a letter to someone close to you … telling them how much you appreciate them. This is not a new idea by any stretch, yet it is always worth mentioning since it is so meaningful. A letter that that person will always cherish.

10. Remind yourself that you are a miracle. This may be the most important. How they heck did any of us get here? When we break it down to nanotechnology and quantum physics, scientists are stumped to figure out the great mystery of us physically being here and interacting and creating symbols and concepts and communicating.

It’s boggling. That’s why our moments on this earth are so precious, and it is a wonderful gift to attempt to cultivate those moments in life that you consider to be sacred.

You get the idea … try it out.

Feeling better....wanting to enjoy these little things

1. coloring (yes, grown-ups can do it, too)
2. crisp cotton sheets
3. soft skin
4. old family recipes
5. the first daffodils of spring
6. sleeping in
7. an exercise endorphin high
8. window boxes
9. a perfect cup of coffee
10. a genuine compliment (giving or receiving)
11. the way babies smell
12. a handwritten letter
13. waking up in a good mood...for no real reason
14. singing in the shower
15. finding a couple forgotten dollars in your pocket
16. doing something nice for your neighbor
17. a home cooked meal
18. laughing
19. movie theater popcorn
20. playing hookey
21. a bubble bath
22. swimming
23. an afternoon nap
24. street musicians
25. your favorite song
26. saying thank you
27. helping someone in need
28. old fashioned photo booths
29. fresh whipped cream
30. inspiring blogs
31. a glass of wine
32. rainy afternoons
33. the funny things kids say
34. a novel you can get lost in
35. finding the perfect piece of clothing...on sale
36. clean laundry
37. the wind in your hair
38. treating the person behind you at the drive-thru
39. sharing an umbrella
40. the smell of lavender
41. a long walk that clears your head
42. a bear hug
43. The Beatles
44. smiling at a stranger
45. eating with chopsticks (Chinese food optional)
46. butterflies
47. staying in your pj's all day
48. singing along to the radio and knowing all the words
49. fresh herbs
50. ordering in pizza
51. happy endings...even if they're fictional
52. flying a kite
53. puppies
54. root beer floats
55. holding open the door...
56. ...or having someone hold the door for you
57. fountain soda
58. white, fluffy towels
59. sunshine
60. spending an afternoon at a museum
61. really great advice
62. green lights all the way home
63. the sound of rain hitting the windows
64. sitting in a booth
65. holding hands
66. a great hair day with no effort
67. building a fort with your kids
68. when someone falls asleep with their head on your shoulder
69. fireflies
70. the perfect taco
71. geraniums on a windowsill
72. slow dancing
73. the smell of fresh-baked bread
74. cheesy, uplifting musicals
75. great stories
76. the smell of gasoline
77. the cold side of the pillow
78. love letters
79. old friends...
80. ...new friends
81. a pull-through parking space
82. a baguette -- crisp on the outside, airy on the inside
83. when a dog licks your hand
84. sitting at the counter at an old-fashioned diner
85. using your favorite dishes
86. reading your child a bedtime story
87. Girl Scout Cookies
88. flossing
89. kissing someone you love
90. the smell of onions and garlic cooking
91. hot chocolate
92. jumping in puddles
93. old photographs
94. birds hopping on the sidewalk
95. Ella Fitzgerald
96. a spoonful of peanut butter straight from the jar
97. your softest t-shirt
98. a new magazine in the mail
99. fireplaces
100. having exact change
101. bacon and pancakes cooking on Saturday morning